Have you ever seen a 6 year old anxious about not getting something they want? It’s quite incredible how steadfast they can be, locked into the temporary object of their affection that they believe will relieve them of their internal angst and pain. As adults we know that they won’t really die if they don’t get the newest toy, ice cream, or simply the windows rolled down when it’s raining cats and dogs. But as an adult our issues can feel way more pressing. The relationship problems, concerns at work, and even practical worries like finances, health concerns and lack of resources.

Those are the real problems right? Those problems may be more “pressing” than a 6 year old worries about getting their candy at the grocery store but the truth is they are resolved in similar ways. Waiting and refocusing our attention on the things you can control right now and releasing the things that you can’t. Our anxiety cycles of focusing on things we can’t control and ruminating on things in our thoughts and accepting our emotions as truth only offer us temporary solutions to our anxiety by promising a solution in our mind but not in reality.

I’m sure you can think of a problem you had recently that you worked out in your mind, that didn’t get solved at all the way you planned or thought. Watching children go through their mini crisis I wondered what we as adults can learn from them to help us to decrease our anxiety and increase our joy.

1. Focusing on our Passions

When my son was 2, he was obsessed with cars, when he turned 3 that obsession turned into sharks that lasted for two years, and when he turned 5 he switched into high gears on the solar system. It is the only thing that matters right now. He’s Pluto and I’m Jupiter most days. One of the things that helps with our anxiety is to have hobbies and passions that bring joy and grounds us when things start to feel “too much”. Find a passion and a hobby that matters to you that brings you unbridled joy and interest. Let your creativity flow!

2. Search for Joy and excitement always

No matter what is going on, my son is going to laugh, play or be silly. The world could be falling and he is going to find some way to search for joy. Sometimes, when we’re overwhelmed, we can be more focused on reasons why nothing is working out or going our way, which can lead to depression of why nothing has ever gone our way. Trust me, I get it. It’s hard refocusing our attention. Especially when things have been hard for a long time. However, there is always something good in our lives. We just have to look for it.

3. Long for Connection

Making the list for my son’s upcoming surprise birthday party that he is helping me plan (go figure), he began to list all of his best friends. The list was over twenty people long. I had no idea he had so many friends, but when he got to the list he made sure to add me and his dad because he didn’t want our invitation to get lost. We were created for relationships and to be in connection with others. Anxiety and depression breeds and multiplies in isolation. This doesn’t mean that we should dump our trauma on others without asking if they have capacity to be a compassionate witness (not hold or fix) to our burdens. Connecting with others and sharing our stories is often what gets us through those difficult moments, helping us to ground ourselves in truth and care from others.

4. Forgive others quickly

Forgiveness is a hard thing to do but a very necessary one. It doesn’t mean forgetting about everything that someone has done to you. It’s releasing the person from the prison they’re being held in inside of your heart due to the hurt and pain that’s been caused. Forgiveness means addressing the things that have occurred that have impacted you and process them within a safe space to be sure things that can harden you more like unforgiveness and bitterness don’t take root. Daily I have to ask my son to forgive, and daily he gives it. I don’t take it lightly because I can understand the position he is in to choose not to, especially if I make the same mistake or hurt his feelings repeatedly. I’ve learned quickly, no one can forgive faster than a 6 year old.

5. Express your emotions (even the hard ones)

I think every human alive has experienced a child temper tantrum, whether you have a child or not. Expressing emotions is important. Anger, sadness, joy, excitement, fear. Emotions are meant to be felt and expressed, not solved and fixed. Sometimes our emotions scare us, because we fear what will happen if we admit what we’re feeling and that we don’t have a solution. But they tell us what we need. Connection, self expression, safety. They are messengers, and it’s okay to honor them as such.

6. Keep talking

Children express themselves sometimes through words, but also through art, and playing. They are always expressing themselves. They share with their favorite humans their favorite things by talking about their favorite topics, toys, television shows. Talking is a way to express ourselves, connect with others, and process the way that we are experiencing the world around us. It helps us to understand ourselves and others.

At Optimum Joy, we are here to listen. It would be an honor and privilege to be a part of your support system to listen as you share your experiences, express your emotions, or even work to forgive others for pain that has been caused. No matter what you do, connect with someone safe that will hold what you share confidentially as you heal. Even if you just want someone to listen to you and help recenter and refocus you on the things that bring you joy, we’re here to support you. Don’t hesitate to reach out, and get started with a therapist today.