I’ve been reading Frank Herbert’s Dune lately, and there’s a quote in there that’s really stuck with me. It’s a sort of mantra his characters repeat to themselves, and it goes like this:

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.

This is a striking passage, and it’s one I feel inspired to learn and repeat to myself regularly. There’s a reason this wisdom feels so compelling; Herbert was likely inspired by certain strains of Buddhism or stoicism, so similar views of fear have spoken to humans since ancient times.

However, while I love the insight and poeticism of this passage, I still feel like it lacks something. Of course, resisting fear, refusing to let us rule our decisions, is worthwhile. Many well-regarded approaches to therapy like acceptance commitment therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy place a similar emphasis on letting fear “pass over and through.” But it is not enough to merely master fear. See, fear is an effective motivator; for many people it’s what gets them out of bed in the morning. Even a healthy person feels an appropriate amount of fear so they can avoid harmful risks and react quickly to danger. When fear has “gone past,” and, “only I will remain,” how else do I orient and motivate myself?

The Problem of Fear

Fear’s main inadequacy is that it can only drive us away from perceived danger. This is a critique we can apply to other “negative” motivators as well like shame, guilt, or disgust. When we need to avoid something truly harmful to us then these negative impulses are sufficient, but the only reward we get for following them is relief from discomfort. This is a common situation I hear from clients with anxiety; when fear becomes the dominant motivator in someone’s life, their days become a constant cycle of chasing relief. Left unchecked, anxiety can seriously constrict our decision-making abilities, as we become desperate to do whatever we can to take away discomfort as quickly as possible. Despite how painful that cycle can be, if we’re trapped in it long enough, we can lose sight of alternative options. When my anxious clients begin to counteract their fear, sometimes they find a corresponding rise in depression or low motivation, as they no longer have the constant push of anxiety to make them perform unpleasant tasks. In that case, we must seek out a new motivator that works for us even when we feel good and healthy.

Instead of running away from unpleasant emotions like fear, we need to find ways to positively reinforce healthy decisions. This does not mean dopamine-chasing, since we can still lose mastery of ourselves when we allow instant gratification to control our choices. For this motivator to work better than fear, it still must get us to accomplish hard things. This is where values come into play. When we examine our own values and choose to act with integrity, we are still seeking the good feeling of engaging in what’s important and meaningful to us. The difference is that our values allow us to do challenging things for the long-term reward of seeking what’s most important to us. So, you may ask, what is this alternative to fear that pushes us to act in service of our own values? I would answer that this motivation and action is a kind of love.

Acting with Love

When we love something, we study it, pursue it, engage with it as much as we can. Love compels our attention and action and often drives us to do challenging things in the short term in service of the object of our love. We can think of our values, our most important ideals, as ultimate objects and perpetuators of love. For example, I highly value service to others, especially in my job as a counselor. Because of my love for service, I did the work to finish graduate school, commute in and out of the city, and do a lot of dry paperwork. Even though this work and the tasks it requires aren’t always pleasant or easy, I still find a strong sense of enjoyment and satisfaction because I know that I do these things out of love for the way I can serve others. We see this in our personal relationships too; love for another person often pushes us to do things we might not do otherwise, like getting them gifts, apologizing, or cleaning extra dishes. Because love goes beyond mere hormones and neurotransmitters, and instead represents a commitment toward something we value, it serves as the most reliable motivator.

Reach Out

Furthermore, when we act out of love we have mastery over our decisions. Whereas mere impulses like fear or pleasure can limit our reasoning (i.e., fear is the mind-killer), love prompts us to pay attention and make decisions with consideration for what aligns with the things we value most. If fear is the mind-killer, then love is the mind-reviver. Love is the life that turns us from obliteration. Love is what allows us to remain when fear has gone past.

If you are tired of allowing fear or any other impulse to rule your decision-making, please don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Myself and any other therapist here at Optimum Joy would be happy to help you find that sense of mastery over your own life. Feel free to connect with us to get started with a therapist today.