Imagine this. You’re in a different country at a train station where other people don’t speak any languages that you know. You need to catch your train to a very important flight. You could pull out your phone to try to translate different signs at the station, but your phone is dead. You walk up to people around you to try to get some help, and one by one, people politely say, “Sorry, I don’t speak (enter your language here).” Feeling worried and darting your eyes around for help, a person who speaks one of your languages approaches you. “Do you speak (enter your language here)?” “Yes!” you say with great relief. The friendly person agrees to walk with you to the front desk and translates for you as you ask about different times and trains to catch your flight. Afterwards, you thank the person with the deepest gratitude, and you are able to reach your destination!

What is Your Nervous System Trying to Say to You?

Our bodies speak in different languages too. When trauma or intense distress is experienced, there are different ways that our minds and bodies try to communicate to us. Let’s briefly look to the animal kingdom to flesh this out.

If a zebra feels safe, it can graze and socialize with other zebras. If a lion stalks and launches into attack, the zebra’s fight or flight mechanisms kick in so it can run away or fight if it finds a large enough group of zebras to scare the lion away. If the zebra perceives that the threat from the lion is inescapable, then the zebra could possibly lose consciousness. These are all automatic processes that happen within the zebra’s nervous system, and it is the same with us. Maybe the threat in your case is feeling abandoned, or ignored. Maybe the threat is attention that brings harm. The root languages that our bodies speak are “safe and connected” and “unsafe and disconnected.” In Dr. Arielle Schwartz’s book, The Complex PTSD Treatment Manual: An Integrative, Mind-Body Approach to Trauma Recovery, she highlights the 6 C’s and 7 F’s. When we feel safe, our minds and bodies express the 6 C’s, which are:

1. Calmness
2. Curiosity
3. Connectedness
4. Competence
5. Confidence
6. Clear-headedness

When our nervous systems feel unsafe, they can express themselves using one of the 7 F’s.

The 7 F’s

Dr. Arielle Schwartz touches more on the different languages of the nervous system in her book. She names the 7 F’s as our nervous system’s reactions to trauma and intense distress. They are:

1. Freeze
2. Flight
3. Fight
4. Fright
5. Flag
6. Faint
7. Fawn

Let’s take another imaginary trip to put these reactions into perspective. Imagine hiking in the woods, and you find yourself standing in front of a bear. Not a cuddly teddy bear. Not a bear cub. A papa bear. You may feel shocked and “freeze” like a deer in headlights, in complete disbelief that you are standing in front of a big grizzly bear. You may feel an inability to move temporarily. The next thing you know, your legs spring into action as you find yourself in “flight.” Looking for the nearest tree with a low branch that you can climb and get to safety, your heart is pumping quickly, and your breaths only go as deep as your lungs so you can sprint away.

As you run, you notice that the bear is gaining traction and you need something to try to scare it off since distance is not working. You happen to notice some really big rocks and you grab them to “fight” the bear. You launch the rocks towards it as best you can. The bear is caught off guard and stops chasing you for a moment. It begins to charge and you throw another big rock at it. The bear stops again. You start to feel panicky, dizzy, and light-headed as your nervous system switches into “fright” mode. You throw another rock and this time, the bear just sits there. You begin to feel disoriented, brain fog, and helplessness as your nervous system switches to “flag” mode. The bear takes another step forward, and before you know it, your nervous system perceives this situation as an inescapable threat, and you faint. If you were to rewind back to the beginning, an example of your body going into “fawn” mode could be you trying to placate the bear by speaking kind words and exuding extreme friendliness while trying to connect to the bear when it is dangerous.

After your encounter, you wake up later in a hospital (phew!), and throughout your stay, you may find yourself feeling symptoms from the 7 F’s as if the bear was still in your space.  You may find yourself freezing like a deer in headlights, having a really fast heart rate, breathing shallow breaths, panicking, dizziness, feeling disoriented, having brain fog, or feeling light-headed.

These are examples of your body speaking in different languages to signal to you that it needs to feel safe and connected again. What are some things you can do?

Language Lesson

When your body starts communicating these kinds of messages to you, this is an opportunity to sit and learn the different languages of your nervous system. Over time, you can become fluent in them, and you can learn what to do to become responsive to them. For example, if you would like, take notice of your heart rate and breath right now. How does your heartbeat feel? Do you only breathe into your lungs? If so, you can breathe into your diaphragm for 1-3 minutes to see how you feel. When you breathe deeply, you are speaking to your body without words and sending messages of “It’s ok, you’re safe.” A tool that you can try is 4-4-8 breathing. Here, you inhale through your nose into your diaphragm for 4 counts, hold your breath for 4 counts, and slowly exhale through your mouth as if you were fogging up a window for 8 counts. When you have a longer exhale, it activates the part of your nervous system (i.e. the parasympathetic nervous system) that helps you to rest, digest, feel safe, and connect. If exhaling for 8 counts feels too long, you can try 5, 6, or 7 counts. What’s most important is that the exhale is longer than your inhale to activate your parasympathetic nervous system. This is an opportunity to go slow and be with yourself instead of trying to force results.

Dr. Arielle Schwartz gives another approach in her book, which is to increase awareness around small sensations and discomforts in your body. You can pause to notice any tension in your belly, throat, or chest. It could feel like numbness or tightness in your shoulders. Maybe it could feel like a hot or cool sensation. You can even use words or phrases that feel good to you like “clumpy,” “ribby,” “smooth,” “scratchy,” or anything. What is important is that whatever you label the sensation, you are able to be present with it. And when you sit with that sensation, this is an opportunity to notice what happens. Does it become more intense? Does it decrease? Does it not do anything? There is no wrong answer, and these are not magic pills. These are a couple of practices that can help you to feel safe in your own body over time. I want to invite you to give yourself permission to treat this as a marathon with small wins along the way.

Rosetta’s Stone

These are some concepts and tools that can help you become a polyglot of your body language! You get to learn the languages of not only the 6 C’s, but also, the 7 F’s. The next time you find yourself needing to complete a task, or have a conversation, you can check in with yourself to ask “What do I feel? Do I feel safe and connected enough to do this?” If not, you get to be like the kind soul who helped you in your imaginary trek at the train station mentioned earlier. You get to listen and translate what your nervous system is communicating to you so you can embark on your next adventure!