Like many of you, I cherish beautiful things and moments. For me, this includes freshly cut flowers — preferably roses — in a tall glass vase, placed on my dining room table surrounded by the people I love, eating food I cooked. I enjoy waking up before sunrise, unrolling my yoga mat, and stretching my tired, aging, and stiff body before my mind fully wakes up. I find joy in sipping a cup of café con leche in my backyard while reading a book that stirs all my emotions, with my fur baby lying at my feet.

Some of the most beautiful moments I hold close are the interactions between mother and child. A mother wiping tears from her child’s eyes as she kisses the boo-boo. I vividly remember my mom rubbing my knee while saying, “Sana sana, colita de rana, si no sana hoy, sanará mañana” (Heal, heal, froggy’s tail; if you don’t heal today, you will heal tomorrow). A son or daughter walking down the aisle or standing at the front of the church, as their mother cries with joy and a hint of sadness, knowing her baby is leaving home to start a family of their own. I recently experienced this with my daughter, so bittersweet.

Then there are moments in parenting that are less pleasant, less beautiful — those times we prefer to forget or keep to ourselves. During these moments, when we feel like we’ve failed as parents, we often recall past mistakes, and our feelings of mom guilt only grow stronger.

A Not-So-Beautiful Morning

As a mother of four young adults and teenagers, I have many not-so-beautiful stories to tell, but I’ll focus on one for now. It was a chaotic and hectic morning. I could easily blame the construction on every expressway and busy intersection. However, as a true Chicagoan, I should know better. In Chicago, there are two seasons: winter and construction. I knew to leave earlier. That morning, my daughter needed a watch to prepare for her Advanced Placement test, so I dropped her off at Walgreens, just a block from her school. In a moment of distraction and haste, I accidentally drove off with her still partly in the car. She fell and spun to the ground. She landed awkwardly on her ankle.

My daughter had to reschedule her big test and, despite rushing, I never made it to work that day. We spent the morning visiting two clinics and a hospital for X-rays. At each place, I had to retell my story,  humiliated. I apologized to my daughter several times. My mom’s guilt overwhelmed me. It felt like it was all my fault. I believed that, once again, as a working mom balancing numerous responsibilities, I had fallen short. I was discouraged, defeated, and drained.

Breaking Mom Guilt

There was a time in my life when an incident like the one with my daughter would have caused me to criticize myself for days. I used to feel unworthy and unqualified to call myself a mother. I often focused on my flaws, convinced that I wasn’t good enough, that other moms were better than me, and that my precious children deserved more. This negative self-talk constantly echoed in my mind, reminding me that I wasn’t affectionate enough, patient enough, or creative enough — because I didn’t measure up to other moms.

These were all lies I believed, and you may believe similar ones about yourself, too. According to psychological research, here are six strategies to break the cycle of mom guilt.

1. Name it, Don’t Shame it. This is called affect labeling, which involves recognizing emotions to help reduce their power. For example, when you feel the mom guilt creeping in, you say to yourself, “This is mom guilt talking, not the truth about my worth.”
2. Challenge the “Perfect Mom” Myth. Perfectionism causes ongoing guilt, and research shows that “good enough” parenting promotes healthy child growth. Remind yourself:
   Kids gain from caring parents, not perfect ones. Mistakes are learning moments — for them and you.
3. Turn Guilt into Gratitude or Action. Cognitive reappraisal — reframing thoughts — can lessen negative emotions. Is this guilt telling me I need to act, like spending more time connecting? If it’s about action, take a small, concrete step — like reading a book together or sending a kind message.
4. Limit Comparison Triggers. Social comparison can boost feelings of inadequacy. Minimize exposure to social media accounts or conversations that make you feel “less than.”
5. Practice Self-Compassion. Self-compassion reduces guilt, shame, and burnout. Repeat encouragement to yourself like: “I am doing my best with what I have today, and that is enough.”
6. Therapy. Sharing feelings normalizes them and reduces isolation. Please feel free to reach out to us. We can help you understand and connect with your mom guilt and the negative self-talk that prevents you from enjoying motherhood. Our therapists are here to support you and work together toward a life of emotional well-being.

Back to my daughter’s accident. Thankfully, nothing was broken, and she only needed to wear a brace for a couple of weeks. She was able to take the exam on a different date and performed well. This incident taught me a lot about myself, and I realized that my relentless standards for myself were preventing me from enjoying motherhood. As a mother, I have to accept that I will never be a perfect mom; I am simply their mom—my children’s mom. I am called and equipped to be the mother of my children. My children have the opportunity to witness God’s work through me—how He can take my flaws, shortcomings, mistakes, and not-so-beautiful mornings and turn them into something beautiful.

Mom’s, take joy in knowing that our God can turn our messes into our messages, or in this case, into a blog.