An obstacle I often encounter with clients in therapy is the feeling of being “stuck.” In the earlier stages of therapy, clients gain a lot of insight and self-awareness as we explore thinking patterns and past experiences. Once we have a clearer understanding of their emotional reactions, a common question that arises is, “so how do I feel better?” Even when coping skills and worksheets are practiced outside of sessions, it can be discouraging when nothing practically changes. This is where emotional acceptance becomes a crucial part of the healing and growth process.

Understanding Emotional Acceptance

Emotional acceptance is the practice of acknowledging and allowing feelings to be present without judgment. Acceptance means acknowledging that emotions, even uncomfortable ones, are part of our experience. It’s important to note that acceptance doesn’t require us to like or approve of difficult emotions—we simply allow them to be as they are without resistance. I often tell clients that we can either be judgmental or accepting of our experiences, but never both. When we accept emotions, we create space for them. This space helps us observe our feelings without becoming overwhelmed.

Why Resisting Emotions Doesn’t Work

Many individuals express a strong desire to avoid negative emotions. People try various ways to escape discomfort—whether through distractions, work, gaming, etc. However, resisting or avoiding emotions often makes them stronger. The more we push feelings away, the more they demand our attention.

Grief can be an extremely heavy emotion, and it can be so natural to avoid it as much as possible. To practice accepting grief, I like to imagine the feeling as waves in the ocean. If we stand rigidly against the wave, it knocks us over, but if we float with it, we are less likely to feel its force. Similarly, accepting difficult emotions allows them to move through us more freely, rather than overwhelming us.

Tolerating Discomfort

While acceptance is about acknowledging feelings, it also includes learning to tolerate difficult emotions without reacting impulsively. Building resilience allows us to maintain control and stability even when we feel uncomfortable. Here are a few strategies:

Name the Emotion

Start by identifying what you’re feeling. Giving your emotion a name, whether it’s anger, frustration, anxiety, or sadness, helps you gain clarity. It also creates a bit of distance between you and the emotion, making it easier to tolerate.

Reflect

When you notice an uncomfortable feeling, pause before reacting. Ask yourself, “what is this feeling trying to tell me?” Sometimes, emotions provide useful information about our needs, boundaries, or values. Notice how your body reacts when you experience difficult emotions. Is there tightness in your chest? Does your stomach feel heavy? Reflecting allows us to better understand how emotions affect us and where they may be coming from.

Use Self-Compassion

Remind yourself that everyone experiences difficult emotions. Avoid judging yourself for feeling this way and instead, offer yourself kindness. Self-compassion looks like treating yourself with the same empathy you would offer a friend going through a tough time.

The Difference Between Acceptance and Resignation

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up. Many people fear that accepting their emotions means resigning to them, but acceptance is about embracing reality as it is, without trying to change it immediately. Resignation, on the other hand, implies giving up hope or belief that things can improve. Acceptance can coexist with a desire for change. For example, we can accept that we feel anxious while also taking steps to manage that anxiety.

Reach Out

When we learn to accept our emotions, we also learn how to properly respond to difficult experiences. Instead of fighting or judging ourselves, acceptance reduces the need for criticism and correction. I think the original question of how to feel better can be a little misdirected. Maybe a better question to ask is, “how am I going to treat myself when I don’t feel great?”

As you reflect on this question, consider taking the next step toward emotional acceptance. Explore our resources, therapists page, or get started with a professional today to support your journey toward treating yourself with the kindness you deserve.