Written by therapist Bria McCalpin
As much as we hope that we do not break up with a partner, sometimes relationships can end either expectedly, or as a surprise. Regardless, relationships are hard work, so when they do not succeed, it can be even more difficult to process any overwhelming emotions that may occur at the time of a breakup. These emotions can range from sadness and anger, or even happiness. Emotions are complex that way. At the end of the day, it can be tough when navigating the grieving process of a breakup. In this blog, we will touch on different focuses to concentrate on during personal healing.
Let Out Your Emotions
As I mentioned previously, there are numerous emotions that are linked to a break up and a lot of those emotions can be negative. There can be a point where a person may not want to “continue to feel sad,” and may believe that, “it’s all their fault,” or look for a way to release any disappointment or frustration. Again, it may be possible to relate any of these descriptions of emotions at once or experience another emotion stronger than any other. Some people may want to avoid experiencing these emotions altogether because it hurts too much, or they simply want to get past the hurt quickly. Though it is reasonable to want to get past the hurt, it is important to avoid pushing through emotions without processing them, especially depending on the intensity.
Letting out your emotions can look different for everyone; it all depends on how you like to cope, in a healthy manner of course. One possible method is to journal about the emotions that come up when thinking about the break up, which could build some self-awareness about yourself and emotional language. Other methods could be to cry it out or talk with those in a trusted support system. The goal of letting out these emotions is to validate your feelings, and then proceed to move on.
Accept Healing Takes Time
Most do not want to be told to move on after a breakup, so why do it to ourselves? No matter how long the relationship lasted, there needs to be time taken to heal from the pain. We may want to rush the healing process because we want to move on as quickly as possible, but it is not always that easy. This can be frustrating for a lot of people because the majority of us do not want to feel the hurt. In response, we try to continue pushing past it. However, by attempting to move on quickly, this can actually stall the healing process. Try not to pressure yourself or accept being pressured to process your emotions quickly. Take your time and work through it at the best pace for you.
Focus On Yourself
Choosing to concentrate on yourself is a significant part of healing. By focusing on yourself, you are being intentional about your peace. This could be setting firm boundaries with an ex partner, having a dedicated self-care day, establishing goals for yourself or choosing to not date for a while. As the most important step, you will recognize what you need and what helps to move along the healing process. Taking care of yourself allows room for understanding who you are in relation to before and after the break up. Having a healthy relationship with yourself is vital and should be paid attention to in regards to your own happiness and resolution from the break up.
Breaking up is a universal and painful experience, so it helps to have a support system looking out to ensure you are on track to healing and building useful skills in the long run. Sometimes the support system can look like a therapist and that’s okay! If you are interested in working with one of our therapists at Optimum Joy to help process a break up or the end of any relationship, call now to schedule an appointment with a therapist that best suits your needs.