“How are you feeling?”

“I’m good.”

As a therapist, I hear this exchange all the time. Honestly, most of us say it automatically throughout the day without even thinking about it. We say it to coworkers, friends, family, and sometimes even ourselves. But I often wonder how many of us are actually “good” when we say it? And what does “good” even mean?

The truth is, many people struggle to identify what they’re feeling in the moment. Not because they’re doing something wrong, but because emotional awareness is a skill that many of us were never taught. When someone asks how we’re doing, “I’m good” can become the easiest answer that avoids slowing down and checking in with ourselves. Sometimes, “I’m good,” is actually covering up stress, sadness, loneliness, frustration, or exhaustion. Other times, we genuinely don’t know what we’re feeling. And that’s okay too.

So where do we start?

I encourage clients to begin with the basics instead of trying to immediately name a complex emotion. Before asking yourself what you feel, ask yourself a couple of simpler questions: Is there a lot of energy in my body or very little? Does my mood feel high or low?

These two questions help narrow things down. For example, low mood and low energy might point toward sadness. High energy and uncomfortable tension might suggest anxiety or frustration. Starting broad can make emotional identification feel much more approachable.

Tools

One of my favorite tools for this process is the Feelings Wheel. There are many versions online, and some are interactive, which can be helpful if you feel stuck.

The feelings wheel works by starting with broad emotions in the center and moving outward into more specific feelings. Maybe you begin with “sad.” As you look closer, you realize “lonely” fits better. Then, going even deeper, you identify the feeling as “abandoned.” That level of specificity matters.

Another tool I often recommend is the How We Feel app. It offers daily emotional check-ins, mood tracking, and helpful exercises for processing emotions over time. Sometimes simply pausing for a one-minute check-in can improve self-awareness more than we realize.

Why does it matter?

When we can accurately identify what we’re feeling, we gain insight into ourselves. We stop treating emotions like vague clouds hanging over us and begin understanding the actual experience underneath. Feeling “sad” may leave us unsure what to do next, but recognizing feelings like abandonment, rejection, shame, or disappointment can point us toward what we truly need in the moment, like comfort, connection, boundaries, rest, support, or healing.

Identifying our emotions is not about overanalyzing every feeling or becoming emotionally perfect. It’s about building a healthier relationship with ourselves. Emotional awareness helps us communicate more clearly, respond instead of react, and better understand our needs.

Healing often starts with pausing long enough to answer honestly, even just to ourselves, when someone asks, “How are you feeling?”.