We live in the golden age of pornography and propaganda. Never has it been so easy to
disseminate and access content intended to provide an alternative to our tangible experience of
the world. Thanks to smartphones and the internet, we can easily avoid boredom and
discomfort of all kinds, and even some of our non-digital entertainment has explicitly aimed to
provide escapist fantasy. Look at the marketing for any major theme park development from the
last fifteen years; you will likely find the term “immersive” peppered through every article and
promotional video. When Universal Studios calls Harry Potter World immersive, they mean that
when you enter Diagon Alley you can trick yourself into feeling like magic is real for a few hours.
In other words, using some of the most advanced technologies ever created by humans, we
have allowed even your least creative uncle to forget about J. K. Rowling and believe that when
he flies back to Ohio this weekend, he’ll have a Hogwarts letter waiting in the mail. This is the
same escapist impulsiveness that drives us to walk with headphones in, read Y/N fanfiction, and
pretend that the celebrity we like is a down-to-earth person. In summary, much of the time, we
are eager to be anywhere but here.

Problems of Fantasy

Don’t get me wrong, I am an escape artist myself. I play Dungeons and Dragons, I’ve
occasionally had a few too many glasses of wine, and I’ve even been to a couple Disney parks.
As a kid, I was always a daydreamer, obsessed with media like Lord of the Rings or Percy
Jackson that made me feel like I was entering a world other than my own. However, lately I’ve
been more and more skeptical of my desire for the fantastical. After all, how much am I
investing in my real life if I spend so much attention on alternatives? At worst, we can escape to
excess and develop addictions, where we become so compelled by our desire to avoid our lives
and feelings that escape eclipses reality, and we lose our ability to function personally,
professionally, or academically. When I am at my healthiest, I imagine I would engage with life
to its fullest, learning to understand and love myself, others, and my work. Surely fantasy is
directly opposed to this goal of mindful living.

Benefits of Fantasy

That said, I’m also not convinced that fantasy is altogether unhealthy. After all, I ask my clients
to fantasize in therapy all the time. One classic therapeutic technique is the “miracle question,”
where you ask a client, “Suppose that tonight while you’re asleep some miracle happens that
completely resolves the very problem you came in here with. How would you find out that this
miracle had happened?” This question is asking a client to fantasize about a world in which their
deepest desire is fulfilled, and it’s a great technique for helping clients set goals for treatment.
We do something similar with guided imagery as well. For example, I’ll sometimes have my
clients construct a “safe place” in their minds and instruct them to visualize themselves in this
place when their environment becomes too overwhelming. This seems like the very escapism I
discussed earlier, and yet I teach it to my clients as a tool for healthy self-regulation. I can only
conclude that there are times when we can live more fully precisely because we imagine our
lives not as they are, but as they might be.

Healthy Fantasy

So, what is the difference between healthy and unhealthy fantasy? I will acknowledge that I am
not yet fully satisfied by my answer, but here are my conclusions so far: healthy fantasy grounds
itself in love for life. Examining our fantasies allows us to understand who we are and what we
want; that’s why dream interpretation was so important for early psychologists. Thus, unhealthy
fantasy treats our longings as essentially separate from reality, it tricks us into thinking that we
have to enter the world of books, theme parks, and pornography to be powerful, satisfied, loved,
sexy, etc. Healthy fantasy, however, is submitted to our greater desire to live well and fully. It
turns our creative energies toward actualizing our desires as much as possible in service of
loving ourselves, others, and the world.

Importantly, this precludes passive engagement with fantasy; when we uncritically consume
escapist media, we turn it into a mere pleasure delivery device. Rather, we must enjoy healthy
fantasy while mindfully maintaining our connections to the real things we love. For example, I
could play video games for some uncomplicated individual entertainment that distracts me after
a long day at work. This isn’t bad, per say, but ultimately, I have allowed the video game to
supplant my life in that moment. I will put the game away and it will merely feel like I have
traveled back from one world to another. Alternatively, I could play with a loved one to bond with
them or I could play a game that prompts me to reflect on my own life and sense of meaning. In
this scenario, I set down the game and feel more connected to the world than I did before, and
I’m aware of how my time playing the game relates to my life more broadly.

Healthy Fantasy Requires Mindful Engagement

In conclusion, healthy lives certainly involve some element of fantasy, since it allows us to
attune to our desires and imagine new and meaningful things for ourselves. However, healthy
fantasy requires mindful engagement, and it never comes at the cost of engaging with
ourselves, our loved ones, and the world around us. So, next time you want a “break” from the
world, consider reframing that fantasy from escaping reality into stepping away so you can
come back even more motivated to live the life you have.

If you’d like help engaging more mindfully and meaningfully with your life, consider meeting with
any one of our talented clinicians at Optimum Joy by filling out our get started form today.