Growing Up in Purity Culture

Growing up in a home with bookshelves lined with titles like I Kissed Dating Goodbye and The Bride Wore White, you can imagine the culture around sex and purity in which I was raised. In a pendulum swing away from the sexual revolution of the ’60s and ’70s, my generation—particularly within evangelical Christian circles—was shaped by a movement of hyper-vigilance around sexual purity. We were taught to guard our hearts, to “save ourselves,” and to view sexual desire as something dangerous unless contained within marriage.

At the time, these messages were often presented as a path toward protection, wholeness, and spiritual faithfulness. But for many, the impact has been far more complex. In the decades since, a growing number of adults are now reflecting on how purity culture shaped their understanding of themselves, their bodies, and their relationships. A new conversation has emerged—one that is naming the shame, confusion, and disconnection that often linger long after those youth conferences have ended.

The Lingering Impact of Shame

In my work as a counselor, I have sat across from countless women who describe feeling broken when it comes to sexual intimacy. They whisper questions like, “What’s wrong with me?” or, “Why do I tense up as soon as my husband touches me?” These struggles are not signs of a broken body or a failing relationship. More often, they are the echoes of years of messaging that equated sexual expression with sin and desire with danger.

When we are taught that sexual desire is something to fear or suppress, our bodies learn to associate intimacy with shame rather than safety. That conditioning doesn’t simply disappear when we marry or decide it’s “allowed.” Healing takes time, compassion, and often professional support. But healing is possible.

Three Truths to Remember

If this experience feels familiar to you, I want you to know three things:

1. There is nothing wrong with you. Your body and desires are not defective or sinful—they are human.
2. There is nothing shameful about being a sexual being. Desire and pleasure are not the enemies of faith or a life of integrity–they can coexist beautifully.
3. There is hope for healing. The process may be tender, but it leads toward deeper freedom and wholeness.

Beginning the Healing Journey

If you find yourself longing for that freedom, I encourage you to reach out for professional help—a therapist, counselor, or support group familiar with religious trauma and purity culture recovery. I’ve also included a list of resources below for those ready to begin their journey toward reclaiming a healthy, shame-free relationship with their sexuality.

Healing doesn’t mean rejecting your past; it means rewriting your story with compassion and truth. You are not alone, and you are not beyond repair.

Resources for Healing from Shame After Purity Culture

Books

• Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement That Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free — by Linda Kay Klein
• The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You’ve Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended — by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky
• Come As You Are — by Emily Nagoski
• Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy — by Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers

Podcasts

• “The Purity Culture Recovery Podcast” — Conversations about healing from purity culture’s effects on identity, sexuality, and relationships.
• “The Embodied Faith Podcast” with Dr. Hillary McBride — Integrates psychology, spirituality, and embodiment with warmth and compassion.
• “Bare Marriage” with Sheila Wray Gregoire — A Christian podcast focused on healthy, shame-free sex and relational dynamics.

Other resources

Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers’ Website — Articles, workshops, and online courses about sexual shame recovery.

Freedom Through Compassion

Healing from purity culture does not require rejecting your faith or your values—it’s about releasing shame so you can experience wholeness and authentic connection. Whether your journey includes therapy, community, faith exploration, or personal reflection, know that you are not alone. You were never meant to live in fear of your own body or desires.

Freedom from shame is possible—and it begins with compassion for yourself.