Have you ever caught yourself in a game of, “They Love Me, They Love Me Not?” That timeless ritual where you pluck petals off a flower, asking if your significant other truly loves you. It’s a back-and-forth cycle: they love me, they love me not, they love me, they love me not. Sometimes, we play this game without even realizing; flowerless, but still caught in the rhythm of questioning. Perhaps you’ve pondered this about your own relationship, wondering if there’s genuine love. Maybe it’s time to ask yourself this: Do they truly love me, or is it all just petals falling to the ground?

How do you know whether or not the love is genuine or if you’ve been given rose-tinted glasses? Understanding the authenticity of love can be challenging, especially when emotions blur our judgment. It’s important to differentiate between genuine affection and potential warning signs that could be obscured by our optimistic outlook.

Love Bug or Love Bomb

There is something truly wonderful about being in love. The exhilarating feeling of your heart racing and the comforting warmth that washes over you at the mere thought of your special person. Being showered with their attention and affection is a joy like no other. Countless songs have been written to express the feeling and the joy of being in love: I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston, Let’s Stay Together by Al Green and All of Me by John Legend, just to name a few. Having someone to spend quality time with, create cherished memories, and share your deepest thoughts and emotions is truly a gift. But everything that glitters is not gold, meaning that everything that may appear to be valuable or attractive on the surface, is not necessarily so. There are times when we feel like we have been bit by the love bug, but in actuality, we were hit by a love bomb.

What is a love bomb, also known as love bombing? According to Psychology Today, love bombing is a pattern of behavior observed in romantic relationships, consisting of excessive affection and attention used to manipulate or gain control over someone. At the start of the relationship, this may look like:

• Excessive Compliments | Over-the-Top-Affection
• Frequent / Constant Communication
• Grand Gestures
• Rapid Commitment | Immediate Future Planning

This is followed up by:

Jealousy

Your partner may accuse you of cheating without evidence, get angry over interactions with friends or co-workers. This can be accompanied by constant reassuring of your feelings toward them. This can also lead to isolation from friends and family.

Emotional Manipulation

Your partner may intentionally withhold affection or make you feel undeserving. Also uses guilt or fear tactics to lower your self-esteem.

Codependency

Your partner expects you to fulfill all of their emotional, social, or financial needs, placing unrealistic demands on the relationship

Emotional / Physical Abuse

Your partner displays aggressive behaviors while consistently avoiding taking responsibility for their actions, often blaming you for issues in the relationship. The partner uses demeaning and degrading language during conflicts or regular conversations.

Self Check-In

Maybe you’re still unsure if any of these things describe your current situation. Take a moment to check in with yourself, and reflect on these questions:

• Do things seem to be moving too quickly in the relationship (Do I feel pressured to move faster than I’m comfortable with)?
• Is this level of affection realistic for how well we know each other?
• Am I feeling overwhelmed or pressured by these gestures (Do these gifts or actions have strings attached)?
• Do they seem to expect constant reassurance, or do they become upset if I don’t respond quickly?
• Do I feel like I frequently have to walk on eggshells around my partner to avoid conflict?
• Are my concerns and emotions being downplayed by my partner?
• Do they shower me with affection one moment, and then withdraw suddenly the next (Am I chasing affection or trying to earn their love)?

Reach Out

No one should feel belittled, isolated, or unsafe in their relationship. If you’re noticing these red flags in your relationship, don’t ignore that gut feeling.  Leaving a toxic relationship or seeking help can feel daunting, but you don’t have to do it alone. Take the first step and prioritize your well-being. Consider reaching out to a therapist, support group, or hotlines dedicated to helping people in unhealthy relationships. True love and relationships are built on respect and trust.

Don’t hesitate to reach out and start your journey today!