There’s something magical about holidays—the twinkling lights, themed parties, and shared traditions can bring people together and create lasting memories. But somewhere along the way, holidays also started to carry a quiet weight. For many, what should feel lighthearted and fun turns into a silent performance, shaped by social media, comparison, and unspoken expectations. Whether it’s Halloween, New Year’s Eve, or even Galentine’s Day, our culture has subtly convinced us that these days should look a certain way, feel a certain way, and—perhaps most of all—be shared publicly. This isn’t just a social shift—it’s a psychological one, too.

Social Comparison & the Performance of Celebration

At the heart of this pressure is a psychological phenomenon known as social comparison theory (Festinger, 1954). It suggests that we determine our own worth based on how we measure up to others. In a world filled with carefully curated Instagram stories and TikTok “get ready with me” reels, the potential for comparison skyrockets—especially on holidays.

Suddenly, Halloween isn’t just a fun chance to dress up—it’s a test of your creativity, your friend group’s cohesion, your couple’s costume chemistry, and your social reach. New Year’s Eve isn’t just a fresh start—it’s a countdown to FOMO, where not having the “perfect plan” feels like a personal failure. Even Galentine’s Day, born out of a celebration of female friendship, can begin to feel like another reminder of who is “in” and who is “out.” This kind of pressure doesn’t just create stress—it activates deeper emotional responses tied to belongingness, self-worth, and identity.

Emotional Labor and the Holiday Highlight Reel

The result of this constant expectation is what psychologists call emotional labor—the process of managing your internal emotions to meet external demands. You might not feel like going out on Halloween, but you go anyway so you don’t seem antisocial. You might feel overwhelmed at the idea of hosting a gathering, but you do it so you’re not left out. You smile for pictures you’ll post on social media, even if inside, you’re tired or lonely. This emotional dissonance can create internal burnout, especially for people who already struggle with social anxiety, people-pleasing, or perfectionism. The idea that every special occasion must be made “epic” also feeds into toxic positivity—the belief that we must always appear happy, grateful, and full of joy, even if we’re not. When you layer that over real-life struggles—grief, breakups, financial stress, mental health challenges—holidays can go from feeling optional to feeling oppressive.

The Role of Social Media in Reinforcing Norms

It’s no secret that social media plays a massive role in shaping how we experience holidays. Psychologists use the term impression management to describe the way we present ourselves to others, especially online. On holidays, this often looks like:

• Posting the best photos of the night
• Capturing the “fun” parts, not the awkward or quiet ones
• Curating captions that sound happy and light, even if the experience felt mixed or hollow

This fuels a feedback loop: everyone looks like they’re having more fun than they are, which makes others feel inadequate, which pushes them to post something equally curated—and the cycle continues.

What If Holidays Could Just… Be?

So what do we do with all this? As a therapist, I invite my clients—and myself—to consider this question honestly: What do I actually want from this day? Not: What am I supposed to want? Not: What would look good in photos? But truly: What do I need?

That kind of check-in leads to clarity. For some people, it might mean skipping a party without guilt. For others, it might mean creating small rituals of meaning that have nothing to do with costumes or champagne or group photos.

Here are some therapy-informed reminders I often offer:

• Your worth isn’t measured by how you spend a holiday.
• You’re allowed to opt out. You’re also allowed to redefine what “in” looks like.
• Joy doesn’t need to be loud to be real.
• Not every holiday needs to be photographed or shared. Some moments are for you.

Reclaiming the Narrative

Reframing holidays isn’t about becoming cynical—it’s about becoming free. Free to participate, or not. Free to celebrate differently. Free to let your nervous system rest instead of perform. In therapy, we often talk about values-based living—making choices that align with your truth, not just cultural norms. That applies beautifully to holiday expectations.

So whether you’re spending Halloween in a full costume with friends, or quietly at home watching your favorite movie, it counts. Whether your New Year’s looks like dancing in sequins or reflecting in a journal—it matters. And whether your Galentine’s is a friend brunch or a solo walk with a podcast—it’s enough.

You are enough.