Xavier Durrant

Locations: Virtual Illinois, In-Office Chicago

Pronouns: He/Him/His

When you were an infant, you were entirely dependent on your caretaker.

You learned to trust and depend on the people who raised you to provide for your most basic needs like food, shelter, safety, love, and belonging. As an infant, you had a built-in desire to get your needs met by those closest to you. The more connected you were to those who nurtured you, the stronger your attachment to them grew. However, suppose you formed an early bond with a caretaker who was mainly inconsistent in how they loved, nurtured, and responded to you? Or, maybe your caretaker unintentionally left an imprint on your mind that it was unsafe to let your guard down or to be vulnerable around others. These experiences can affect how you show up in your relationships, work, and identity. You may have experienced a major Traumatic event or many traumatic events throughout your life but have no recollection of the details. Although these experiences may be challenging to remember, they sometimes find ways to bury themselves deep down into your subconscious mind and psyche. They can cause you to live in a state of anxiety, worry, fear of rejection, to feel like an imposter, or that you must perform well to receive love. If the answer to the following questions “are you lovable”, “are you worthy”, and “are you enough” is no, my life’s purpose and work is to help clients just like you untangle, grow aware, grieve/accept, forgive, and repair.

Ultimately my goal as your therapist is to help you get your needs met, but first, we need to know your needs. This is a gradual, unfolding process. We’ll go on together in a safe and non-judgmental way. Naming your needs and telling your story can be incredibly therapeutic for healing trauma, but this process requires a certain level of your awareness. The greater your awareness, the greater your possibility for connectivity to all of your mind. The more connected your mind, the more easily and readily you are to form connections with others. This matters because we need connection for human flourishing and, ultimately, personal freedom. So my goal as your therapist is to help you grow in your awareness. We’ll go at your pace and will use our time together to explore questions like “how did you process that interaction with your partner,” “what did you believe about that situation that may not have been true” or “what would you have to learn to think differently about this.” We can grow our highest state of awareness through many therapeutic approaches; however, the three I enjoy using are Existential Therapy, Mindfulness Counseling, and Cognitive-Behavioral-Therapy. 

Unfortunately, when I was just a toddler, I had an almost fatal accident that left my hand with third-degree burns. Although my parents did their best to instill confidence and provide unconditional love, I grew self-conscious about how the image of my hand appeared to others, and, ultimately, self-doubt consumed me with shame. I know FIRST-HAND how hard it can sometimes be to say, HELP. Asking for help does not reveal weakness; it reveals vulnerability, humility, and integrity…all characteristics of strength. Please know that whatever you have been suffering through, you do not have to go at it all alone. Study after study shows that when you tell your story to the “right person” who will respect and keep it safe, feelings of shame and anxiety can begin to subside. Alternatively, when we tell our stories to people who may love us and have the greatest of intentions for us if they are not equipped and skilled to hold a safe space for us, we leave our minds and hearts susceptible to further emotional damage and wounding. WHO you share your story with matters. 

How will your life be different tomorrow if today is the day you decide to make a change?

I am currently working with new clients and would love to hear from you. Please feel free to reach out with any questions.