We often hear that you should never discuss money or religion in conversation but when preparing for marriage, it is both important and encouraged. Here are conversations that every couple should have before getting married.

Money

Don’t just discuss money in the abstract, but rather sit down as a couple with both of your bills and possibly even meet with a financial planner. Discuss how you will make financial decisions: plan your joint expenses, discuss saving and investments, how much each partner will contribute, and who is responsible for setting up bill payments. Fully disclose debts, credit cards, and spending habits to one another.

Household Responsibilities

You should not assume that once you get married, you will both automatically know who does what around the house. Express your needs and expectations, talk through plans while also leaving room for change as needed. It is important to remember changing roles and responsibilities may happen as careers change and families grow.

Careers

Couples should talk explicitly about their hopes, dreams, and visions for their careers. Discuss how much time you plan to spend at work versus at home and how to prioritize your relationship and still succeed in your career.

Children

Talk to one another about your desires and come to an agreement about your shared vision for the future of your family. Do you want to have kids? What would you do if you experienced fertility problems? Be transparent and create space for future conversations as you approach these moments in your relationship.

Beliefs and Values

Couples should discuss how they will live a life together and balance any differences in major values or beliefs. For example, interfaith couples can plan to share or even blend religious traditions. Find a way to disagree respectfully and build a life together that honors both people’s beliefs and values.

Managing Conflict

Do you and your partner know how to behave with one another in a healthy and productive way when conflict arises? Does one of you shut down while the other one goes into problem-solving mode? It is important to make the necessary changes to effectively communicate by using assertive communication and problem solving skills. Couples therapy is not only for escalating conflict, this can be the space used to nurture healthy boundaries and avoid hurtful communication patterns.