📅 Updated: February 12, 2025
This article was originally published in March 2018 and has been updated to include new insights and additional sections.

How to Comfort Someone Who is Crying

Table of Contents

• Different Types of Crying Situations
• Why Fixing the Problem Doesn’t Help
• What Not to Say When Someone is Crying
• 10 Best Things to Say to Someone Who is Crying
• How to Comfort Someone Who Is Crying Without Words
• FAQs: Common Questions About Comforting Someone Who is Crying

Seeing someone you care about crying can be incredibly difficult to experience and knowing how to help someone who is crying can leave you feeling helpless. Their head is down, they feel overwhelmed, and in that moment, you don’t know what to do. What do you say? Do you reach out or give them space?

The uncertainty can be overwhelming.

Here’s something important to note: if someone is crying in front of you, it means they feel safe enough to be vulnerable. That alone is huge! It means you’ve already created a space where they feel seen. Now, the next step is learning how to hold that space for them without unintentionally making them feel worse.

Different Types of Crying Situations

Not all crying is the same. Different situations can require different responses. Here are some common reasons why people cry:

• Grief: Losing a loved one, experiencing deep sorrow.
• Frustration: Feeling unheard, misunderstood, or stuck in a difficult situation.
• Overwhelm: Stress from work, relationships, or personal challenges.
• Embarrassment: Feeling ashamed or humiliated.
• Loneliness: Feeling disconnected or isolated.

Understanding the reason behind someone’s tears can help you respond in a way that best supports them.

Holding Space for Difficult Emotion

Why Fixing the Problem Doesn’t Help

When someone is in distress, their emotional brain is in overdrive, and they may not be ready to process solutions yet. People process emotions in two steps:

1. They feel first – The emotional brain reacts before the thinking brain engages.
2. They rationalize later – Once emotions are acknowledged, the logical brain can begin problem-solving.

Research shows that validating emotions helps the person feel seen before they can accept solutions. By allowing someone to fully express their emotions first, you give them the space they need to eventually work through their feelings.

What Not to Say When Someone is Crying

When someone is crying, our instinct is often to fix the situation, minimize their pain, or distract them from their emotions. While these responses may come from a place of care, they can unintentionally make the person feel unheard or invalidated. Below are three common responses to avoid and what to do instead.

“Everything happens for a reason.” (The Fixer )

Why it doesn’t help: This phrase attempts to justify their emotions rather than validate them. While it may come from a well-meaning place, it can make the person feel like their emotions are insignificant. Instead of trying to explain away their pain, simply acknowledge it.
Better approach: “I can see this is really painful for you. I’m here to listen.”

“It’s not a big deal.” (The Minimizer )

Why it doesn’t help: This dismisses their emotions and may make them feel like they’re overreacting or that their feelings aren’t valid. When someone is vulnerable enough to cry, the last thing they need is to feel judged or belittled.
Better approach: “This is really hard for you. I hear you.”

“Let’s go get ice cream and forget about it.” (The Distractor)

Why it doesn’t help: While distractions can be helpful at times, immediately shifting focus away from their feelings can make them feel ignored. It signals that their emotions are uncomfortable for you, which might discourage them from opening up in the future.
Better approach: “I’m here for you. If you want to talk, I’m happy to listen.”

Other unhelpful responses:

• “Don’t cry.” → (Implies their emotions are wrong)
• “You just need to think positive.” → (Dismisses their experience)
• “You’ll get over it.” → (Suggests their pain isn’t valid)
• “You should toughen up.” → (Suggests that expressing emotions is a weakness)
• “Others have it worse.” → (Invalidates their feelings by comparing them to others’ struggles)
• “Stop making a scene.” → (Shames them for expressing emotions in public)
• “I don’t understand why you’re so upset.” → (Minimizes their experience instead of seeking to understand)
• “You’re being dramatic.” → (Undermines their emotional response and discourages openness)

👂✨ If you want to learn more about being a better listener, check out our blog on empathetic listening.

10 Best Things to Say to Someone Who is Crying

Words matter. Here are 10 supportive things you can say to help someone feel heard and comforted:

1. “It’s okay to be sad.” → (Validates their emotions)
2. “This is really hard for you.” → (Shows you recognize their struggle)
3. “I’m here with you.” → (Reassures them they’re not alone)
4. “Tell me about it.” → (Encourages them to open up)
5. “I hear you.” → (Affirms that their feelings are important)
6. “That was really scary/sad/unfair.” → (Mirrors their emotions)
7. “I will help you work it out.” → (Offers gentle support without fixing)
8. “I’m listening.” → (Emphasizes that you’re present and engaged)
9. “I hear that you need space. I’ll stay close so you can find me when you’re ready.” → (Respects their need for time)
10. “It doesn’t feel fair.” → (Validates their frustration or hurt)

The goal is to be fully present—with your words, body language, and emotional attunement. Simply sitting beside them, acknowledging their pain, and being there without trying to fix can make a world of difference.

How to Comfort Someone Who Is Crying Without Words

Sometimes, comforting isn’t about what you say—it’s about what you do. Here are a few non-verbal ways to provide support:

• Sit beside them in silence → Just being there can be enough.
• Offer a hug (if appropriate) → Physical touch can be grounding.
• Hand them a tissue or glass of water → A small, thoughtful act can show care.
• Use soft eye contact → Let them know you’re present without overwhelming them.
• Place a hand on their shoulder (if appropriate) → A simple, reassuring gesture.

FAQs: Common Questions About Comforting Someone Who is Crying

Should I hug someone who is crying?

Not everyone wants physical touch when they’re upset. The best approach is to ask first: “Would you like a hug?” If they say yes, great. If not, simply being present is enough.

How do I comfort a crying friend over text?

Avoid dismissive responses like “Cheer up” or “It’s not a big deal.” Use short, validating messages like:

• “I’m here for you. I know this is hard.”
• “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
• “If you want to talk, I’m here. If you need space, I understand.”

What if I say the wrong thing?

If you realize you’ve said something dismissive, simply acknowledge it: “I’m sorry if that wasn’t helpful. I just want you to know I care.”

What if someone doesn’t want to talk when they’re crying?

Give them space but let them know you’re available when they’re ready to talk.

How long should I stay with someone who is crying?

There’s no perfect timeline—stay as long as they need, but don’t force it if they prefer to be alone.

How do I comfort a child who is crying?

Offer reassurance with a calm voice, gentle touch, and simple, clear words like “I’m here, you’re safe.”

Final Thoughts

Supporting someone who is crying isn’t about having the perfect words—it’s about being present. By acknowledging their feelings, holding space, and offering gentle support, you create a safe environment where they can begin to process their emotions.

If you or someone you love is struggling with overwhelming emotions, sometimes professional guidance can help. At Optimum Joy, our therapists create a safe space for emotional processing. If you are in Colorado or Illinois, give us a call or fill out an intake form to learn more about how we can help you or your loved one navigate difficult emotions.