Best Attachment Theory Books for Healing & Relationships
Find the Right Attachment Theory Book for You
We’ve all been there–caught in those frustrating relationship loops where you find yourself being clingy when you want to be cool, or pulling away when you really want to connect. Maybe you keep having the same argument with your partner, or you’re watching your own childhood patterns play out in ways that surprise you. Or perhaps you’re trying to understand these very dynamics in someone you love—a romantic relationship, friend, or family member whose reactions sometimes leave you puzzled.
Attachment theory, first developed by psychiatrist John Bowlby, offers a clear framework to understand these patterns and why they happen. Understanding attachment theory can be a real game-changer and the right book can offer those “aha” moments that actually stick.
We’ve put together this guide of our favorite therapist-recommended attachment theory books. You’ll find options for complete beginners alongside deeper dives for those ready to go further. Each recommendation comes with honest insights about what makes it special and who it’s perfect for.
Disclosure: Some links below are affiliate links, which help support our work at no extra cost to you. We only recommend books we’d genuinely use in therapy or suggest to friends.
Quick Picks: Therapist Favorite Books on Attachment Style at a Glance
Short on time? These are our most-recommended reads at a glance. Click on the title to view the books on Amazon or keep scrolling to learn more about each book and view more book recommendations.
| Book Title | Best For | Therapist Notes | Approach |
| Attached | Beginners, Dating | Easy intro to attachment styles | Science-based & popular psychology |
| Polysecure | Trauma & Relationships | Queer- and trauma-informed lens | Inclusive, trauma-informed, poly-aware |
| Hold Me Tight | Couples | Emotionally focused therapy approach | Therapy-integrated (EFT-based) |
| The Power of Attachment | Healing & Spiritual Growth | Integrates trauma and somatic work | Somatic & spiritual |
| Secure Love | Self-Work | Neuroscience + real-life tools | Practical, neuroscience-informed |
The Best Attachment Theory Books
For Self-Discovery & Personal Healing
If you’re looking to better understand your own attachment patterns—especially how early experiences may shape your adult relationships—these books offer compassionate, evidence-informed insight. They’re ideal for solo reading, journaling, or pairing with therapy.
The Power of Attachment by Diane Poole Heller
Who it’s for: Anyone exploring childhood roots, trauma, or seeking somatic/spiritual integration.
Therapist take: Deep yet inviting; combines neuroscience with gentle, actionable guidance.
Pros: Trauma-sensitive, integrates body & mind, practical exercises.
Good to know: May be abstract for some, especially those who prefer structured advice.
Secure Love by Julie Menanno
Who it’s for: Those wanting concrete, neuroscience-backed tools for building security.
Therapist take: Highly practical and accessible; excellent for journaling/self-practice.
Pros: Conversational, tool-rich, excellent for self-paced work.
Good to know: Some exercises may require deep self-reflection.
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD
Who it’s for: Adults seeking clarity about childhood dynamics that continue to affect their relationships and sense of self.
Therapist take: Compassionate, straightforward, and full of aha moments—this book shines a light on the subtle but lasting effects of having emotionally unavailable or unpredictable parents. It offers a toolkit for recognizing harmful patterns, building resilience, and reclaiming autonomy.
Pros: Validating, practical, and deeply resonant for readers working through attachment wounds or family-of-origin issues.
Good to know: Some exercises may stir up difficult memories—bring patience and self-kindness, and consider processing with a therapist for extra support.
Attachment Theory: A Guide to Strengthening the Relationships in Your Life by Thais Gibson
Who it’s for: Anyone new to attachment theory looking for a clear, practical guide to how attachment styles shape all kinds of relationships—romantic, platonic, and family alike.
Therapist take: A relatable, easy-to-understand introduction that explores more than just romance, blending approaches like CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), and RAIN (Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture) to support healing and growth.
Pros: Inclusive of LGBTQ+ and non-romantic relationships, grounded in research, and full of quizzes and exercises to help identify and improve attachment patterns.
Good to know: Ideal for beginners or those seeking hands-on tools; may feel lighter on deep theory or neuroscience.
For Couples Wanting to Grow Together
Whether you’re navigating conflict, working on communication, or just want to feel more connected in your relationship, these books offer practical tools rooted in attachment theory. They’re ideal for couples looking to build security together—or for individuals hoping to better understand how attachment styles show up in dating and long-term partnerships.
Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
Who it’s for: Couples at any stage, especially where communication or trust struggles.
Therapist take: Direct from the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy. Step-by-step, deeply effective.
Pros: Science-based, includes exercises for partners, highly recommended in therapy.
Good to know: Written with couples in mind—less solo focus.
Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
Who it’s for: Singles and partners alike who want a digestible intro to attachment styles and dating.
Therapist take: Accessible, engaging, great first read.
Pros: Relatable, popular psychology format, easy to share with friends.
Good to know: May feel oversimplified for readers wanting deeper science.
Insecure in Love by Leslie Becker-Phelps
Who it’s for: Those who identify with anxious attachment, jealousy, or relationship anxiety.
Therapist take: Wonderful for breaking out of anxious cycles and understanding emotional triggers.
Pros: Highly compassionate, evidence-based, actionable steps.
Good to know: Narrower focus (primarily anxious attachment).
For Parents Trying to Raise Secure Kids
If you’re looking for ways to foster emotional resilience and strong bonds with your child, these books offer thoughtful, research-informed guidance. Each one is grounded in attachment science and written to help parents apply those insights in everyday life—without judgment or perfectionism. They’re especially helpful during early childhood but can offer clarity at any stage of parenting.
The Attachment Parenting Book by Dr. Sears
Who it’s for: Parents or caregivers wanting practical parenting grounded in attachment science.
Therapist take: Empowers parents to meet kids’ emotional needs in day-to-day life.
Pros: Encourages a nurturing, connected parent-child bond using everyday routines; easy to implement for busy parents and grounded in research by trusted pediatric experts.
Good to know: More focused on lifestyle and values than step-by-step technique.
Raising a Secure Child by Kent Hoffman
Who it’s for: Those seeking step-by-step tools for secure bonding, especially in early childhood.
Therapist take: Structured, activity-based, excellent for all families.
Pros: Provides clear, actionable strategies that make secure attachment easy to understand and practice in real life; practical exercises help parents build confidence and deepen their connection with their child.
Good to know: Most useful for parents of young children (infant to preschool age).
For Therapists or Psychology Students
If you’re training in mental health, working as a clinician, or just eager to go deeper into the foundations of attachment theory, these books offer more than surface-level insights. They explore both the clinical application and historical development of attachment research, making them ideal for professional development, academic study, or advanced self-guided learning.
Attachment Theory in Practice by Susan Johnson
Who it’s for: Clinicians or advanced readers seeking clinical application of attachment in therapy.
Therapist take: Essential reading for evidence-based practitioners.
Pros: Offers powerful, research-backed tools for strengthening client relationships and improving outcomes in therapy.
Good to know: Focuses heavily on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), especially in couples work.
Becoming Attached by Robert Karen
Who it’s for: Those wanting historical context and advanced theory.
Therapist take: Deep dive—best for students or advanced self-learners.
Pros: Thoroughly explores the roots and evolution of attachment science, bringing key studies and expert voices to life for curious readers.
Good to know: More theoretical and research-heavy than practical; best for those who enjoy narrative nonfiction.
For Individuals Who Want to Work through an Attachment Theory Workbook
If you’re exploring adult attachment and looking for powerful tools to better understand your relational patterns, this section offers clinically sound resources to help you apply attachment theory in meaningful ways. Working through an Attachment Theory Workbook can provide structured guidance to identify your unique attachment style, recognize attachment wounds, and develop stronger emotional regulation skills. Whether working independently or alongside a therapist, these workbooks are designed to help you deepen self-awareness, increase relational stability, and start healing longstanding patterns that affect your connections with others. Below are two therapist-recommended workbooks offering practical exercises, reflections, and self-assessments tailored to your journey of growth and secure attachment style.
The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen
Who it’s for: Individuals, couples, or therapists seeking actionable tools to understand and reshape attachment patterns.
Therapist take: Clear, practical, and clinically grounded—this workbook introduces key attachment concepts alongside reflection exercises and self-assessments that translate theory into real-world growth.
Pros: Excellent for journaling, self-paced exercises, and collaborative couples work; makes complex ideas accessible with concrete strategies.
Good to know: Best for people ready to engage with their patterns through writing and reflection; useful as a companion to therapy or for guided self-work.
The Anxious Attachment Style Workbook
Who it’s for: Readers who identify with anxious or avoidant attachment—the workbook guides users through understanding origins, triggers, and pathways to greater security.
Therapist take: Compassionate, user-focused, and rooted in current attachment research; great for psychoeducation, guided exercises, and starting the self-healing process with evidence-backed support.
Pros: Digital format allows for regular updates and interactive worksheets; includes practical advice, self-tests, and relatable insights from users.
Good to know: Designed for independent use, but can double as a therapy aid. Best for self-paced reflection and those interested in supplementing therapy and personal growth with the latest research.
For Trauma Survivors or Complex Backgrounds
If your attachment patterns are shaped by trauma, marginalization, or complicated relationship histories, these books offer validation and deeper understanding. They go beyond surface-level strategies to explore how early wounds impact the nervous system, relational safety, and sense of self—and how healing is still possible
Polysecure by Jessica Fern
Who it’s for: Readers in non-monogamous, queer, or trauma-impacted relationships.
Therapist take: Refreshing, affirming, and uniquely inclusive.
Pros: Blends attachment theory with real-world relationship diversity, offering tools and language that feel validating and practical for a wide audience.
Good to know: While written with non-monogamous relationships in mind, many insights apply broadly to all relational styles.
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
Who it’s for: Trauma survivors wanting to connect body, brain, and relational healing.
Therapist take: Powerful but may be triggering—best with support.
Pros: Groundbreaking integration of neuroscience and trauma therapy that deepens understanding of how the body holds attachment and healing potential.
Good to know: Not exclusively about attachment, but deeply relevant for understanding trauma’s role in relational dynamics.
Therapist-Informed Book Buying Guide: Finding Your Right Fit
There’s no perfect book, but the right one can be genuinely life-changing. Here’s how to choose wisely:
- Start where you are: If you’re new to attachment theory, don’t feel like you need to dive into the deep end—readable, foundational books are your friend
- Match your moment: Think about what’s happening in your life right now. Are you dating, parenting, healing from trauma, or just curious? Let that guide your choice
- Look for practice: Books with exercises and reflection prompts help concepts actually stick
- Check the format: If you learn better with structure or have limited reading time, look for books with clear summaries and organized chapters
- Avoid the shame spiral: Skip anything that makes insecure attachment sound like a life sentence—the best books offer hope and practical paths forward
Psychoeducation—learning about your style and building insight—can be transformative. Studies show repeated exposure to attachment concepts and skills can meaningfully improve relationships and emotional wellbeing, especially when practiced with support or in community settings.
Understanding Attachment Theory: Origins, Types, and Real-Life Impact
What Is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory is a powerful framework first developed by John Bowlby, a British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. Bowlby’s research showed that the way our caregivers responded to our unmet needs in childhood strongly shapes how we give and receive love, manage our emotions, and build loving relationships throughout life. These early experiences create ‘internal working models’—mental patterns that tell us how to respond to others and what to expect from them. Bowlby emphasized the deep connection between the body and the brain in processing fear and distress. His theory provides powerful tools that promote understanding of how early attachment wounds can shape relationships and offers strategies to increase stability and feel safe in connection. Today, attachment theory remains the foundation for many forms of therapy and personal growth.
The Four Attachment Styles
Researchers have identified four main attachment styles in adult relationships, each influencing how we connect, respond to stress, and build or avoid loving relationships:
- Secure Attachment: Comfortable with both closeness and independence, secure adults usually feel safe, trust others, express needs well, and can support a partner’s emotions.
- Anxious (Preoccupied) Attachment: Marked by a desire for reassurance and fear of abandonment. People with this style may worry about unmet needs, have trouble feeling secure, and are often sensitive to perceived rejection or fear partners will pull away.
- Avoidant (Dismissive) Attachment: Values independence, sometimes over closeness. These individuals may shy away from emotional intimacy and struggle to express or process emotions—distancing as a way to avoid getting hurt.
- Disorganized (Fearful-Avoidant) Attachment: Shows mixed reactions—craving connection but pulling away due to fear or past trauma. Often roots back to inconsistent or frightening early caregiver experiences.
How Attachment Theory Affects Adult Life and Relationships
Attachment styles don’t just show up in childhood—they follow us into adulthood and adult attachment, shaping everything from romantic bonds to friendships and even our relationship with ourselves. Attachment theory helps us recognize why certain dynamics feel so familiar or challenging as adults and gives us powerful tools to move beyond old patterns. Understanding your style can promote understanding of your emotional habits, give you the language to explain your needs, and offer ways to increase stability and emotional balance in all areas of life.
Modern therapies based on Bowlby’s ideas, like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), provide actionable methods for healing adult attachment wounds and supporting genuine, secure connection. When we invest in self-awareness and address our attachment patterns, we open ourselves to healthier, more fulfilling, and truly loving relationships—and gain the resilience to respond to life’s challenges with greater confidence and compassion.
Wrapping Up: Which Attachment Theory Book Is Right for You?
Choosing to explore attachment theory—whether out of curiosity, personal growth, or a desire to improve your relationships—is a worthwhile step. These books aren’t magic fixes, but they can offer helpful insights, language for your experiences, and new ways of understanding yourself and others.
Whether you’re reading solo, sharing with a partner, or bringing ideas into therapy, even a small shift in perspective can open the door to more secure, fulfilling connections.
If you’d like more support, explore our clinic’s services or check out more therapist-curated blog posts on relationship wellness.
FAQs
Is Attached a good book for beginners?
Yes! “Attached” is often the first book therapists recommend to those new to the concept. It uses clear language and relatable examples to introduce the main styles and how they show up in dating.
Can reading these books replace emotionally focused therapy?
Reading can be transformative, but it’s not a substitute for personalized, professional support. Books can help you gain understanding and strategies, but therapy offers the safety, feedback, and relationship needed for deep healing.
What if my partner has a different attachment style?
This is common. Learning about each other’s styles can build compassion, reduce blame, and offer practical ways to meet in the middle—many books include exercises designed for couples.
Which book is best for someone with trauma or CPTSD?
“Polysecure” and “The Body Keeps the Score” are top choices; both are trauma-informed and validate complex relational experiences. For deeper trauma integration, consider reading alongside a supportive therapist or group setting.
Are these books faith-based or spiritual?
Most are secular, though “The Power of Attachment” weaves in elements of spirituality for those who seek it. Always check the book’s approach if you have specific spiritual interests or concerns.
About Optimum Joy Counseling
Optimum Joy Counseling was founded on the belief that it is possible to experience joy no matter how difficult your circumstances. With offices in Chicago and Denver and online therapy available throughout Colorado and Illinois, our mental health professionals are dedicated to helping people from diverse backgrounds pursue self-awareness, personal development, and fulfilling relationships. If you are interested in our services or learning more, don’t hesitate to give us a call or fill out an intake form. We would love to support you.
Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care.
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