📅 Updated: May 8, 2025

This article was originally published in June 2024 and has been updated to include new insights, data, recommendations and self-assessment.

Navigating Power Imbalance in Relationships

As therapists who sit with clients on a daily basis, we’ve witnessed how power dynamics silently shape our connections with others. From intimate relationships to workplace interactions, the subtle influence of power touches every relationship in our lives. Power in relationships must be recognized in order to be appropriately managed.

When our clients first explore this concept, many express surprise at how deeply these dynamics have affected their perception of self and their ability to connect authentically with others. Understanding and navigating these currents of power isn’t just helpful—it’s essential for creating relationships where both people can truly flourish.

Power Imbalance Definition

In our therapeutic work, we define a power imbalance as a dynamic where one person consistently holds greater influence or control within the relationship. This might show up in who makes decisions, who has access to resources, whose emotional needs take priority, or whose voice carries more weight during conflicts.

Power takes many forms in our relationships—it might stem from differences in physical presence, financial resources, education, social status, or even from the subtle influence of whose emotional reactions others fear most. We often see how societal patterns of inequality based on gender, race, or class find their way into our most personal connections, creating patterns that can feel both invisible and immovable.

Many clients come to us focused only on their individual relationships, but our therapeutic approach recognizes how these personal experiences connect to larger systems of power that shape our collective experiences. Creating healthier relationships begins with recognizing these patterns and understanding how they appear in our daily interactions.

Take the Power Imbalance Quiz

Wondering if there might be a power imbalance in one of your relationships? This short quiz can help you gain clarity. Your answers are completely confidential — we don’t store your responses or have any way of identifying you. Just honest insight, for your eyes only.

Power Imbalance Quiz

What Causes Power Imbalance in Relationships?

Power imbalances rarely appear randomly. Instead, they grow from fertile soil created by our histories, relationship patterns, and the environments we navigate daily.

Internal Factors

Our earliest relationships quietly script the way we relate to power—often before we even know it. These internal blueprints can shape how much space we take up in relationships or how much we shrink ourselves to keep the peace.

• Attachment and Psychological Patterns: Early relationship experiences profoundly shape our expectations and behaviors. Clients with anxious attachment often surrender power to preserve connection, while those with avoidant patterns may control interactions to maintain emotional distance. Understanding attachment theory is often an ah-ha moment for many people in navigating power imbalances. For more on this topic, check out our blog on attachment styles.
• Personal History: Many clients subconsciously recreate the power dynamics they witnessed growing up, assuming either the dominant or accommodating role based on these childhood models.
• Self-Esteem Disparities: When someone carries deep beliefs about their unworthiness, they’re more likely to defer decision-making and accept diminished power, believing they don’t deserve equal standing in the relationship.

Relational Factors

Power doesn’t just live inside us—it plays out between us. The ways we communicate, share responsibilities, and show investment all contribute to subtle patterns that can tip a relationship off balance.

• Knowledge and Expertise Gaps: When one partner is perceived as more knowledgeable in valued areas (finances, parenting, social connections), they often assume greater decision-making authority, creating subtle power shifts.
• Investment Imbalance: In our clinical experience, the person who appears less invested in a relationship often holds more power, as their partner may sacrifice needs and boundaries to preserve the connection.
• Communication Style Differences: Assertive communicators naturally tend to assume more control than those with passive or accommodating styles, gradually creating habitual power patterns that feel “normal” to both individuals.

External Factors

Sometimes, the imbalance isn’t just personal—it’s structural. Societal norms, financial realities, and legal systems can all reinforce power differences. This can be true even when both people are trying their best to stay connected and fair.

• Socioeconomic Disparities: Financial dependency creates profound vulnerability. We’ve supported many clients navigating relationships where income differences translate directly into decision-making power.
• Cultural and Societal Norms: Gender expectations, age difference hierarchies, and cultural traditions often prescribe relationship roles that distribute power unevenly in a relationship.
• Social Networks: Isolation from supportive connections increases vulnerability to power imbalances. Outside perspectives often help clients recognize unhealthy dynamics they’ve normalized.
• Institutional Frameworks: Legal structures around marriage, property ownership, and parental rights can reinforce relationship power imbalances, particularly in places with less gender equality and protections.

Understanding these causes helps identify patterns that may be operating in your own relationships. This awareness is the crucial first step toward creating more equitable dynamics. The differences must be recognized and outwardly acknowledged in order to be adjusted.

9 Signs of a Power Imbalance in Your Relationships

Clients often struggle to name power imbalances in their relationships–romantic or otherwise. These dynamics can become so normalized that they fade into the background of daily life, masquerading as personality differences or simple preferences.

We’ve learned that bringing awareness to these patterns is the first crucial step toward healing.

Through our work experience, we’ve identified several common indicators when power may be unevenly distributed:

• Consistent Decision-Making by One Person: When one partner routinely decides on activities, finances, or social plans without meaningful consultation. As one client shared, “I realized I hadn’t chosen a restaurant for us in over a year.”
• Lack of Mutual Respect: When one person’s opinions, feelings, or needs are consistently dismissed or devalued. This erasure of experience can be more damaging than overt conflict.
• Condescension or Patronizing Behavior: Patterns where one person habitually explains, corrects, or speaks down to the other, carrying the implicit message: “I know better than you.”
• Dependence or Fear: When someone carefully monitors their words and actions to avoid negative reactions, or feels unable to function independently due to emotional, financial, or practical dependence.
• Unequal Contribution: When household duties, childcare, or financial responsibilities are disproportionately shouldered by one person without recognition or reciprocal support.
• Isolating Behavior: The gradual distancing from support networks as one partner expresses disapproval of friends or family, makes social gatherings uncomfortable, or demands time that would maintain these connections.
• Controlling Communication: When one person monitors devices, demands access to accounts, or requires constant updates on whereabouts—extending control into digital spaces.
• Emotional Manipulation: Using guilt, threats, or emotional volatility to influence behavior without direct communication.
• Ignoring Boundaries: Consistently disregarding personal boundaries with the implicit message that one person’s comfort or preferences matter less than the other’s.

These patterns rarely appear in isolation but weave together into relationship dynamics that leave many feeling confused, doubting their perceptions, and disconnected from their genuine needs.

Manifestations of Power Imbalance in Various Relationship Types

While power dynamics shift across different relationship contexts,  the underlying patterns still remain remarkably consistent. Recognizing these specific manifestations helps in addressing them effectively. There are several contexts where power dynamics most often arise:

In Romantic Relationships

In our therapy sessions, we regularly see how power imbalances affect individuals in romantic relationships. When one partner consistently makes the decisions and has more influence, the other partner often loses their sense of independence and confidence. They might struggle to express their needs or maintain their identity outside of the relationship.

Creating a healthy balance requires intentional effort from both partners. This is especially true in intimate aspects like their sex life, where equal power is particularly important for mutual satisfaction. We help couples explore how power dynamics affect all dimensions of their relationship, guiding them toward more equitable patterns that honor both individual’s autonomy and desires.

An example we frequently encounter: “Maya came to therapy feeling like her opinions didn’t matter in her marriage. Her partner’s influence far outweighed hers. For example, her husband handled their finances completely, giving her a small ‘allowance’ despite her equal contributions. When she mentioned wanting to return to school, he immediately said they couldn’t afford it—yet somehow found money for his own interests without discussion.”

In Family Systems

Family relationships develop complex power dynamics that can persist for generations. These dynamics show up in who makes decisions, how responsibilities are divided, and whose needs take priority. Many parents are surprised to find themselves repeating patterns they witnessed growing up, despite their intentions to parent differently.

An example we frequently encounter: Elena caught herself saying ‘ask your father’ whenever her children requested something—exactly as her mother had done. She noticed her partner’s decisions were rarely questioned, while hers were often second-guessed by the whole family.

In Therapeutic Relationships

Even in spaces designed for healing, power dynamics require attention. As therapists, we’re mindful of the inherent influence we hold and work to create collaborative relationships where clients feel empowered rather than directed. This can be a challenging dynamic to maintain and must be considered in every therapeutic relationship, not just at the start but throughout the process.

An example we frequently encounter: A client shared how she felt pressured to discuss childhood trauma she wasn’t ready to address. Despite her hesitation, she continued because she didn’t want to disappoint her therapist, whom she greatly respected.

In Online Communities

Digital spaces create unique environments for power dynamics. Whether through formal roles like moderators or informal influence, certain voices often shape what perspectives are welcome and which are discouraged or silenced.  A unique characteristic of online power dynamics is that age can often be concealed, as well as other defining traits of a person.

An example we frequently encounter: Ryan joined an online support group hoping to find understanding during his grief. Instead, he encountered rigid ideas about ‘proper’ grieving, with posts that didn’t follow these unwritten rules often removed or criticized.”

In Friendships

Even our closest friendships aren’t immune to power imbalances. These dynamics might appear in who chooses activities, whose problems get attention, or how much emotional support flows in each direction. Though often overlooked, these patterns can significantly impact how fulfilled we feel in our friendships. Even when there is a lot of love in a friendship, there can still be power differentials that need to be acknowledged and at times, adjusted.

An example we frequently encounter: After years of friendship, Dani realized conversations with Taylor always centered on Taylor’s life. Her own updates or concerns were often met with brief acknowledgment before the focus shifted back to Taylor’s experiences.

In Digital Connection

Our devices create new ways for power imbalances to develop in relationships. Password sharing, location tracking, and digital financial access can either support connection or enable control, depending on how they’re approached.

An example we frequently encounter: Leila noticed that her partner always asked about her incoming messages, yet became defensive when she showed similar curiosity. Over time, this created an uneven expectation where her digital life was open for inspection while his remained private.

In Workplace Relationships

At work, power dynamics can significantly impact your daily experience and career growth. When your paycheck depends on navigating these relationships, the stakes feel especially high. Many clients tell us how workplace power imbalances affect their confidence, creativity, and even their sense of professional value.  This automatically affects workplace effectiveness and mental health of employees.

An example we frequently encounter: James noticed his ideas were often overlooked in meetings, only to be praised when suggested by newer colleagues later. When he mentioned this pattern to his supervisor, she dismissed his concerns, leaving him questioning both his contributions and his perception of events.

8 Long-Term Effects of Unresolved Power Imbalances

When power imbalances persist in our relationships, they rarely stay contained to isolated interactions—they gradually reshape the entire emotional landscape we inhabit together. Like water slowly eroding stone, these dynamics can transform both people and the connection between them in profound ways. In our therapy practice, we regularly witness how these unaddressed patterns create ripple effects that touch nearly every aspect of wellbeing, from how we view ourselves to our fundamental sense of safety with others.

When left unaddressed, persistent power imbalances can create lasting relational damage and mental health issues:

• Erosion of Self-Esteem: Consistently being devalued or controlled gradually undermines confidence and self-worth. Clients often internalize these negative messages, doubting their abilities and perspectives.
• Increased Anxiety and Depression: Living with chronic powerlessness creates persistent stress and fear. Many clients describe physical manifestations including sleep disturbances, digestive issues, and chronic tension.
• Resentment and Bitterness: Over time, the person with less power often develops deep resentment. This emotional toxicity makes constructive conflict resolution increasingly difficult.
• Communication Breakdown: Power imbalances fundamentally damage communication. The person with less power often becomes afraid to express needs, while the other grows dismissive or unwilling to truly listen.
• Loss of Intimacy and Connection: Authentic intimacy requires vulnerability and trust—both casualties of power imbalances. We observe how emotional and physical connection diminishes as power dynamics intensify.
• Increased Conflict and Instability: Unaddressed power imbalances create a breeding ground for conflict, as the person with less power attempts to assert themselves while the other works to maintain control.
• Cycle of Abuse: In some cases, power imbalances escalate into patterns of emotional, verbal, or even physical abuse. The relationship becomes structured around dominance and fear rather than mutual care.
• Compromised Mental and Physical Health: The chronic stress of navigating power imbalances often manifests physically—affecting immune response, sleep, digestion, and overall wellbeing.

Strategies for How to Deal with Power Imbalance in Relationships

The good news is that power imbalances aren’t permanent fixtures in relationships – they can shift and evolve with conscious effort and especially, with mutual commitment. Even long-established patterns can transform when both people bring awareness, willingness, and consistent practice to create more balanced dynamics together. Here are a few helpful strategies:

Open Communication & Mutual Respect

• Establish patterns of honest communication where each person can express feelings without fear of punishment or dismissal.
• Explicitly discuss power dynamics, naming patterns that have developed and working together toward greater balance.
• Practice active listening that truly values each person’s experience and perspective.

Clear Boundaries & Shared Responsibility

• Develop clear, compassionate boundaries that honor each person’s autonomy and dignity.
• Distribute responsibilities and decision-making more evenly, perhaps by specifically assigning domains or taking turns with leadership roles.
• Regularly revisit these agreements as needs and circumstances evolve.

External Support & Empowerment

• Consider professional support through individual or couples therapy, especially when patterns feel deeply entrenched.
• Encourage individual growth, separate friendships, and personal interests that foster independence alongside connection.
• Develop support networks that provide perspective and validation outside the relationship.

A Step-by-Step Guide to Correcting Power Dynamics

In our therapy sessions, we offer practical guidance for both partners working to create more balanced relationships. Here’s how we recommend approaching this important work:

For the Partner with More Power:

1. Self-Reflection:
   • Action: Take an honest look at your behavior patterns. Are you making most decisions without consultation? Do you find yourself dismissing your partner’s input or needs?
   • Tip: Try tracking your interactions for a week to notice patterns you might miss in-the-moment when responding to your partner.
2. Active Listening:
   • Action: Practice listening to understand rather than to respond. Notice any defensiveness and really try to hear your partner’s experience.
   • Tip: Try reflecting back what you hear: “I’m understanding that you feel overlooked when decisions are made without your input.”
3. Shared Decision-Making:
   • Action: Intentionally involve your partner in decisions that affect you both, from weekend plans to financial choices.
   • Tip: Set aside regular time to discuss important matters together when you’re both rested and present.
4. Empowerment:
   • Action: Support your partner’s independence and growth. Encourage their interests and create space for them to take the lead.
   • Tip: Actively seek their expertise and perspective, especially in areas where they have knowledge or skills.
5. Open Communication:
   • Action: Create safety for honest conversation by responding non-defensively to concerns.
   • Tip: Use “I” statements to share your feelings without  inferring blame: “I feel concerned when…” rather than “You always…”
6. Share Responsibilities:
   • Action: Take equal ownership of household tasks, emotional labor, and relationship maintenance.
   • Tip: Check in regularly about how responsibilities are distributed and adjust as needed.
7. Seek Feedback:
   • Action: Regularly ask your partner how you’re doing and be open to adjusting your approach.
   • Tip: View feedback as valuable information that strengthens your relationship rather than as only criticism.

For the Partner with Less Power:

1. Self-Awareness:
   • Action: Notice where and when you feel your voice diminishing in the relationship.
   • Tip: Consider keeping brief notes about situations where you felt unable to express yourself fully.
2. Assertiveness Practice:
   • Action: Begin expressing your preferences and needs, starting with lower-stakes situations.
   • Tip: Try practicing what you want to say beforehand if speaking up feels challenging.
3. Set Boundaries:
   • Action: Identify your personal limits and communicate them clearly and consistently.
   • Tip: Remember that healthy boundaries are about self-care versus controlling others.
4. Build Support:
   • Action: Maintain connections with friends and family who value and affirm you.
   • Tip: Consider working with a therapist who can support your growth in assertiveness and self-advocacy.
5. Seek Equality:
   • Action: Advocate for balance in decision-making, responsibilities, and emotional consideration.
   • Tip: Frame conversations around creating a healthier relationship for both of you.
6. Professional Guidance:
   • Action: Consider couples therapy where you can address these dynamics in a supportive environment.
   • Tip: A skilled therapist can help both partners recognize patterns that might be difficult to see from within the relationship.
7. Prioritize Wellbeing:
   • Action: Remember that your needs and happiness matter fundamentally in any successful relationship.
   • Tip: If changes aren’t happening despite genuine efforts, consider whether this relationship supports your wellbeing.

We’ve found that small, consistent changes in these areas often create gradual and significant shifts in relationship dynamics. The process isn’t always linear, but with patience and commitment, most couples can develop more balanced and fulfilling ways of relating.

Knowing When to Prioritize Your Well-Being

Despite our dedication to relational healing, we recognize that sometimes relationships are defined by power struggles. Not all imbalances can be resolved while maintaining connection, and discerning when to prioritize self-protection is essential:

Distinguishing Between Fixable and Harmful Dynamics

• Temporary imbalances often respond to awareness, communication, and mutual effort toward change.
• Fundamentally unhealthy dynamics typically persist or worsen despite repeated attempts to address them.
• Ask yourself honestly: Is this relationship consistently diminishing your energy, undermining your worth, or requiring compromise of core values?

5 Warning Signs That It’s Time to Reevaluate

• Recurring Abuse: Patterns of emotional, verbal, or physical harm continue despite discussions and promises.
• Persistent Resistance: Your partner refuses to acknowledge problems or only makes surface-level changes, resulting in a power struggle.
• Diminishing Self: You no longer recognize yourself or feel disconnected from your authentic identity.
• Safety Issues: You experience fear, anxiety, or physical symptoms in response to interactions.
• Unresolvable Conflict: Disagreements remain intense and unproductive despite genuine communication efforts.

Steps Toward Self-Protection and Healing

1. Commit to Your Well-Being
   • Acknowledge that your mental and physical health must be your priority
   • Recognize that protecting yourself honors your inherent worth and dignity
2. Build Your Support System
   • Connect with trusted friends, family members, or professionals
   • Consider therapy to process experiences and rebuild self-trust
   • Join support groups specific to your situation
3. Create a Practical Exit Plan (If Needed)
   • Develop a safety plan with professional guidance if abuse is present
   • Contact appropriate resources: crisis lines, shelters, counseling services
   • Consult with legal experts about rights regarding finances, property, or custody

Remember: Prioritizing your wellbeing when facing harmful power dynamics isn’t failure—it’s an act of profound self-compassion and courage.

In Conclusion

Through our therapeutic work, we’ve witnessed how power dynamics profoundly shape relationship experiences. While these patterns can feel unchangeable, with awareness and committed action, a more balanced and fulfilling connection is possible.

The goal isn’t perfect equality in every moment, but rather dynamics that honor each person’s autonomy, dignity, and humanity. This journey requires patience—old patterns have deep roots, and change rarely is linear.

If you’re struggling with power imbalances, seeking understanding is already a meaningful step. With support, awareness, and practice, you can create relationships where power flows between partners with respect and care, creating the foundation for authentic connection.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is an example of a power imbalance?

A common example we see in our therapy sessions is financial control in relationships. When one partner manages all finances, making unilateral decisions about spending and savings while the other needs to request money or justify purchases, this creates a significant power imbalance. The partner with financial control gains disproportionate influence over everything from daily decisions to long-term life choices. This dynamic often extends beyond money, gradually affecting the other partner’s sense of autonomy and self-worth.

How do you fix power imbalances in a relationship?

Healing power imbalances begins with awareness and open conversation. We encourage couples to name the patterns they’ve noticed without blame, and then work together to create more balanced ways of relating. This might involve redistributing responsibilities, establishing clear boundaries, and practicing new communication habits where both voices carry equal weight. For deeply entrenched patterns, working with a therapist provides valuable support and structure. Remember that change takes time – small and consistent steps toward a more balanced relational dynamic can gradually transform the relationship.

What are the three types of power?

In our therapeutic approach, we often discuss three fundamental types of power that shape relationships. First, there’s positional power, which comes from roles or titles (like “breadwinner” or “parent”). Second, there’s personal power, which stems from internal qualities like confidence, communication skills, or emotional regulation. Third, there’s relational power, which develops from the specific dynamic between two people, including history, attachment patterns, and emotional investment. Understanding these different power sources helps our clients recognize where imbalances originate and how to address them effectively.